"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the LORD, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11 NASB
I feel like I keep returning to the same place over and over again. I just can't get past this "waiting room" of life. I think it becomes so much more visible to me when many of my friends keep passing important milestones in their lives. I have friends who have already started their careers (teachers), friends who have a masters degree or are in the process of getting one, several who are getting married. And then there is me. In some aspects I have had the opportunity to do a lot (mostly in regards to traveling), and I wouldn't trade that for anything. But, I also feel like I am just floating or treading water trying to figure out which way to go. I'm 23, I still live with my parents, I never really did much with college (a few lackluster semesters at the J.C.), and I don't have a job. Now, this is nobody's fault but my own and, granted, I had a pretty good time traveling in the past few months, but for the past week or two I have been transported back into some form of reality that tells me that I really need to figure out what I'm going to do "when I grow up" (or at least in the near future) and I need to decide soon.
Maybe it might help to write down some of the goals I do know.
1. I would like to move out of my parents house in the near future (perhaps before the end of the year). I expect this will be with some sort of roommate.
2. Get a job. I'm afraid I may be extraordinarily picky, but I have this weird philosophy that one should like their job. And I know that I definitely don't want to work retail or food service (I will if I must...but would prefer to enjoy my job). This is one of the hardest tasks, because other than that I don't have any concrete idea of what I want to do. There was a time when I really wanted to go to school for interior design, and there have been times when I wanted to get into youth or music ministry and in high school I thought I was going to be a high school math teacher. I even have dreams of being a missionary at this time. But I don't have one clear vision.
For the time being, I assume I will get some sort of clerical job that pays enough to get me into an apartment. But I am afraid of getting myself hooked to one thing. I even have dreams of moving to a foreign country (and I have had enthusiastic response from several friends--I'm not sure whether to take it as encouragement, or as a "get away from me" vibe), but even with that, my thoughts are so vague. I don't know where I would want to go or what I would do once I got there. Being a grown-up isn't as glamorous as I thought it would be when I was 10.
Well, thanks for reading about my troubles and pleases be praying for clarity and focus in my life.
Lord God, You see I have had many desires. Please fill me with your desires and direct me to the path you have planned for me. I want to do your will and even if it is scary, give me the courage and strength to follow you. I need your guidance more than any time I can recall before. Please make your will so blindingly obvious that I cannot even attempt to ignore it. I love you, God.