31 March 2005
Lord God, Show us your awesomeness, your greatness and your love. Let us not return from this adventure with simply a "camp high" feeling, but with desire and determination to serve you. I love you God.
23 March 2005
~I Corinthians 8:3 (MSG)
God, You know it all. Remind me of that when I try to do things that aren't pleasing to you; when I try to decide what's best for me, without getting your opinion; when I ignore your opinion. Remind me.
22 March 2005
Three straight phone calls, three straight connections with the answering machine. She hangs up without leaving a message the first two times, but the third time she says, "Dad, Mom, it's me. I was wondering about maybe coming home. I'm catching a bus up your way, and it'll get there about midnight tomorrow. If you're not there, well, I guess I'll just stay on the bus until it hits Canada."It takes about seven hours for a bus to make all the stops between Detroit and Traverse City, and during that time she realizes the flaws in her plan. What if her parents are out of town and miss the message? Shouldn't she have waited another day or so until she could talk to them? And even if they are home, they probably wrote her off as dead long ago. She should have given them some time to overcome the shock. Her thoughts bounce back and forth between those worries and the speech she is preparing for her father. "Dad, I'm sorry. I know I was wrong. It's not your fault; it's all mine. Dad, can you forgive me?" She says the words over and over, her throat tightening even as she rehearses them. She hasn't apologized to anyone in years. The bus has been driving with lights on since Bay City. Tiny snowflakes hit the pavement rubbed worn by thousands of tires, and the asphalt steams. She's forgotten how dark it gets at night out here. A deer darts across the road and the bus swerves. Every so often, a billboard. A sign posting the mileage to Traverse City. Oh, God. When the bus finally rolls into the station, its air brakes hissing in protest, the driver announces in a crackly voice over the microphone, "Fifteen minutes, folks. That's all we have here." Fifteen minutes to decide her life. She checks herself in a compact mirror, smoothes her hair, and licks the lipstick off her teeth. She looks at the tobacco stains on her fingertips, and wonders if her parents will notice. If they're there, She walks into the terminal not knowing what to expect. Not one of the thousand scenes that have played out in her mind prepare her for what she sees. There, in the concrete-walls-and-plastic-chairs bus terminal in Traverse City, Michigan, stands a group of forty brothers and sisters and great-aunts and uncles and cousins and a grandmother and great-grandmother to boot. They're all wearing goofy party hats and blowing noise-makers, and taped across the entire wall of the terminal is a computer-generated banner that reads "Welcome home!"Out of the crowd of well-wishers breaks her dad. She stares out through the tears quivering in her eyes like hot mercury and begins the memorized speech, "Dad, I'm sorry. I know..."He interrupts her. "Hush, child. We've got no time for that. No time for apologies. You'll be late for the party. A banquet's waiting for you at home."
This sounds like the story of the Prodigal DAUGHTER. But more, it makes me think of what will happen when we reach heaven. But do I spend my life wondering if there will be anyone waiting when I get to heaven? Will I try to do things on my own until the very end? I hope not.
Lord, Remind me that you walk beside me daily and that I am NEVER alone. Guide me into your presence constantly.
14 March 2005
They are moving to Florida soon and my sister suggested that I come and help her in a nanny-type position. I'm not really sure if she was joking or not. Please pray with me about this.
On another note, my friend, Sara, called me today to tell me she is engaged. I was slightly surprised. I'm excited for her, but I realize more and more how young we are and what a big commitment marriage is. Her fiance is a great guy. I pray that they have a blessed marriage. I felt very good that she made a special point to call me so that I wouldn't hear the news from some other person. I get to spend Friday night with her and her fiance, my best friend, Melinda, and Melinda's roommate when we go to see Singing in the Rain. I'm looking forward to it.
Well, TTFN (Ta Ta For Now).
Lord, Guide me. I ask for that a lot and it's more of a reminder to me than a request to you. Thank you for your consistency.
12 March 2005
Does anybody else out there get those moments of clarity, where you are just dumbfounded as to why you don't remember it all the time? Let me give my example. I am realizing for probably the 85708256576578462837657234th time that my purpose in life is to LOVE GOD, LOVE OTHERS and LEAD THEM to that same understanding. How much money we make, what house we live in, the car we drive only matters if we use it to back up that purpose. I keep coming back to this place of reliance on God. Why do I keep trying to get comfortable? I'm only here for a short time. I need to live life relying on God. Why do we let it become so difficult and confusing?
God, I'm back. I want to rely on You. Is there anyway to make this process smoother? Will I eventually quit taking detours--going the long way around? Guide me to Your perfect will. Let's make this a "trust walk." I'll put on the blindfold and you lead me around. Tell me when there is something I might run into--A stairway, a door. Guide me, God. And fill me with the faith to listen to You. I love you, Lord. You are EVERYTHING!!!
10 March 2005
My neighbor said today that the two most holy days in our lives are the day we are born and the day we die. Today, for the first time, I am dealing with the death of someone close to me. My mom's best friend, Carol, passed away in her sleep last night. My neighbor called me, because she had heard from a friend who knew her that Carol had passed away. And they asked me to call my mom. Well, I called my mom and she was already there. It turns out, she was the first one to find her. I've heard her tell the story twice now and both times she has cried. She was also the one to tell Carol's son. My mom hadn't called me, because I was driving back from Oakland and she didn't want me to be driving when I found out. Well, I cried nearly all the way back home. I cried because I will never get to see or talk to her in this life. I cried because I could hear how her 6-year old grandson might say, "Grandma's gone." I cried for my sister and my mom and my niece who would continue their lives without this woman who had been a part of our lives for so long. I cry now.
But I am joyous, because I know that Carol knows Jesus and is living in Heaven with Him right now. Carol had many worries and troubles and painful times in her life here on earth. I am joyous because that pain does not exist, worries are not present, and the word trouble is gibberish in Heaven. She can live for eternity in peace and rest with Jesus Christ. Another of my mom's friends said, "I wonder if Carol was surprised when she woke up in Heaven?" What a beautiful question. I'm sure she was delighted.
As I already said, this is the first time I have had to deal with the death of someone close to me. All four of my grandparents are alive; my parents are both alive and still married; all three of my siblings and their families have lived healthy lives. I vaguely recall sitting on the playground in Kindergarten, telling a friend that my great-grandma died, but I don't really remember the rest of the experience. Cheyanne, my niece, is 5 today and my sister hasn't told her yet, because she wants her to enjoy her birthday. Carol was like another grandmother to her. The young children are the ones I cry for the most, because they may not be able to understand what's going on and where Carol has gone. I am glad that we know where Carol is and that someday I will join her.
Lord God, Our time here is limited, but I can see that you are using us to touch the lives of so many. Thank you for Carol's life here on earth. Thank you for her friendship with my mom. Thank you for her devotion to her children and grand-children. Thank you for her love and giving spirit. We miss her, God. I am so glad to know she is with you. I can't wait to come hang out with you too. Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
I love you, Lord.
07 March 2005
I thought that I would get so much more done when I quit my job, but the things I've done more of is sleep and watch TV. I really do need some sort of structure. I'm having a friend come over tomorrow to help me clean and organize a room for when my sister and her family come visit this week. She will keep me motivated. I've intended to clean it for weeks, but procrastinate. That should be my middle name sometimes.
I hope not to procrastinate in whatever is next for me in my life, be it a new career, back to school or a little bit of both. I did send out my resume to two Interior Design companies that need administrative assistants. I hope to hear back from them. I expect that it would a great experience to work in that field. Even if it is an assistant job to begin with, I will become familiar with the field and be able to develop contacts within the industry.
I've gotta go get some shut-eye, but before that I'm gonna go grab my Bible and catch up a bit on my reading. Good night y'all!!!
Lord, Guide me away from procrastination. Guide me to what is next and let me do my best to YOUR glory.
06 March 2005
1. I am resuming my blog (Thomas, thanks for pestering me)
2. It really does have to do about a job resume'.
Last night, Thomas' sermon was on the parable of the talents. Personally, I hate hearing this message because, at least in regard to money, I am not much of a risk-taker. I will put what I can in savings, but I have never tried hard to invest and turn a profit. I know that it's not really about the money, it's a metaphor for our spiritual gifts and so forth, but sometimes I just can't get past that part.
Lately, I have really taken to the idea of, "What if Jesus was my boss?" How would I work differently, etc. Tonight at Girls Bible Study, I tried to present this to the girls. If you could work for Jesus, what would your job be? The answers ranged from Sunday School Teacher to Recruiter to Public Relations. By the way, these girls amaze me more and more each week-I am blessed to have them around. Next, as I am currently updating my resume, I asked them to create a resume, as though they were applying for such a position to Jesus himself. I, too, created my own resume along with them. I want to share it with you.
- Go to the ends of the earth and speak God's name.
- I really, really, really enjoy traveling!
- I have a knack for languages.
- I love God and am willing to follow where He leads.
- Dominican Republic (1999)
- Project Y.E.S. (Youth Equipped to Serve) - Tijuana, Mexico (2002)
- Western Europe (2003)
- Work & Witness - Guadalajara, Mexico (2004)
- upcoming---Cambodia (June/July 2005)
- various cities and states in the U.S.
- Girl Scout Day Camp counselor/leader (1997-2001)
- Nor-Cal Nazarene Kids Kamp Counselor (2002/2003)
- Youth group leader
- Bible Study Leader
- Sunday School (all my life)
- numerous Bible Studies
- National Youth Workers Convention (2002/2003)
- I'm actually not going to list them all here, but I'd like to hope that anybody who knows me could vouch for me. Particularly those who have traveled on mission trips with me. And those I have met while serving.
Now, I still have many skills to attain, but I know God will provide, walk beside me and carry me and push me and sometimes even drag me to where He wants me to be and what He wants me to do and say. I look forward to it.
Lord God above, You gave me everything on this resume I offer you. Now, may I have the strength for when you offer me a job, to say "YES!" without blinking an eye. May I have the courage to follow you whole-heartedly and without ceasing. I love you more than anything.
AMEN!!! (That's Hot...)